Sometimes I Wonder, Sometimes It's Okay

Sometimes i wonder.

here i am, standing in the horizon, patting sad and miserable people's shoulder.

Smiling, joking, making themselves feel better.

But i'm not getting better myself. Sometimes i think of it as a social service; being kind to people who are upset. But sometime i wonder why a sad people tried to make other sad people happy while i, myself is not happy either.

But sometimes it's okay.

Happy Holidays!

What Happened Between Now And Then?

Gue adalah orang paling semangat soal natal. Lagu natal, suasana natal, dan semua tetekbengek nya.

Diawali dengan nonton classic movies about christmas, hias pohon, christmas mixtape, jamming lagu natal dan sebagainya. Pray harder, praise harder.

Tahun ini gue lakuin semuanya (well not all, i dont watch the movies unfortunately and i dont jam this year, very sad.) tapi gue ngerasa hampa, and i told Him that i'm very sorry for not being in spirit like i used to. Cenderung hampa/bitter malah. And i dont like this. Not at all.

So what happened? I have no idea. Not a pinch of it. Di malam natal yang mestinya sakral dan menyenangkan, gue malah ngeblog soal otak dan hati gue yang kayak benang kusut.

Everybody is so happy and cheerful. Gue agak iri jujur aja. Semua lagi seneng, lagi ucapin ini itu. And i sincerely replied every one of them, i pray happiness for them. (maybe because apparently i dont feel the happiness inside, and kinda need some) Gue seneng gak ada orang yang sedih, gue juga pengen malah kayak gitu. But.....i feel so empty. So grumpy. For a sec, i want to smash my phone to the wall for no reason at all.

I dont know what happened.

p.s.: the most sad part in my opinion, i surf the internet in a christmas holiday. yep, there's a first time in everything indeed. Merry christmas to y'all. Dont be like me. Have a fun blessed day.

Zeitgeist 2011 People's Choice !

Monologue

Apa sih mau kita di hidup ini?

Gue mau sukses.

Emang sukses itu apa?

Sukses itu saat lo dapat mencapai tujuan-tujuan lo.

Nah loh, tujuan lo emang apa?

Mau mencapai titik kebahagian tertinggi. Fully contented.

Kayak gimana tuh?

Saat lo ngerasa semuanya udah lengkap, lo bisa senyum terus tanpa ada apa pun yang membuyar kan kesenangan itu. Saat semua orang yang lo sayang lengkap, saat lo melakukan hal yang paling lo suka tanpa beban apapun, saat lo bisa menghilangkan rasa lapar dan haus tanpa ngerasa kenyang yang bikin begah, saat lo dapat kehangatan dari pelukan orang-orang yang berarti, saat lo bisa hidup tanpa kekurangan suatu apapun.

Definisi Bebas

melayang di udara

tanpa ikatan beban,

menghirup oksigen

tanpa partikel pengkontaminator,

menunggingkan senyum

tanpa berat desah nafas,

menemukan sunyi

tanpa suram menyelimuti.

Hopeless Lover

lost in the poetic labyrinth

of the broken hearted

where lovers left and parted

every inch of flesh and bone

the painfully ache and moan

when i know your heart can never be own

oh those sentimental lyrics

so absurdically true

when you and i are through

here i'm the hopeless lover

cause we are now over

A Love Letter