I’m doing Architecture. Initially it seemed like a good choice to me. Heck, there I was, fresh out of high school, naive and dumb, thinking that everything would be alright with my ‘fuck-everything’ attitude. I took up architecture because it was the only design-related course in my uni, which happens to be the best uni in the state. I’ve always wanted to design. It was something that I’m extremely passionate about. But my passion in design didn’t lie with architecture, that was a completely different field altogether. However that was the only choice I had. My parents are rather strict, they want me to have a safe, professional job in the future. They frown upon jobs that are not traditionally sound. My mother especially, she doesn’t approve my passion in design. So my father told me to take up architecture. And architecture it was. After months and months of conflict with my parents.
A few months into the course and I realised that I was drowning. Drowning in my own bad decisions, or rather, lack of decision. I did this to myself. I signed up for this. And now it’s too late to change. I can’t change my major because I’ll just let my parents down. I’ve disappointed them enough in my life and this is something that I don’t want to fuck up. My life is already a big fuck up I don’t need something else for them to deal with. I’ve been getting straight As for my public examinations all my life, that I can hand over to my parents proudly. But uni, that’s a completely different ballgame. I’m not doing well. I’m barely getting by. My grades are only average. Classes suffocate me so much that I have to run out of the room to breathe.
Right now I’m enrolling for classes for a new semester and just looking at my timetable is enough to make me cry. Classes from 12 noon all the way till 6pm. Consecutive classes. Four hour tutorial sessions. Two hour lectures. No breaks in between. It is absolutely terrifying.
The underlying thing of all this is that I seriously lack passion in architecture. I have no interest in history of buildings, or who Le Corbusier is, or how a roof is able to stand up. And that is my ultimate downfall. I look around me and I see these glowing faces, future young architects who are so passionate about the subject. And you look and marvel their works and their creations and then you look at your own and realise how fucked you actually are.
So, please, I beg to everyone out there fresh of high school and are looking into applying for uni. PLEASE only enrol for a course if you are really passionate about it. If not, your life in university is going to suck. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to take a toll on your life.
And to those of you fortunate enough to be in high school - or younger - don’t even think about growing up faster. Because growing up comes responsibility. Responsibility is something that you’ll have to handle. It’s not fun. Sure being an adult is fun and liberating and you can do whatever you want, but if you ask me? I’d rather be a kid again and have no worries at all.
