twisted minds

she wants to break his heart for all the things he did.

but she can't do it without making herself falling apart, for her love so big it hurts

(cry by the veronicas)

he wants to go back to the start, when everything is alright
he is falling in love with the same person, he's all over her, while he know he can't turn back time
(into your arms by the maine)

the power of words

i believe that words are strong. you can persuade, you can teach, deceive, retell stories, and everything. that's why i've became pretty fond of it. because it can tell you so many things.

so, readers, i'm practicing my grammar, so i could write a better fragments of emotions. i love them. i want your chest become tight, and i want your sight became blurry because of my words. i want it to be strong.

A Step Away

as we get closer to the edge, silence took over. it wasn't a threatening one, no. it's this silence where you're waiting for something. you have your gut telling you that something will finally unfold and you'll finally get the answer you've been searching for. so you're expecting it, and you know that your eyes might be the luckiest eyes of all to witnessed it, and your heart would be overwhelmed with whatever feeling that awaits you that it might burst.

What it feels like to be a ghost

to transcends and float in the air

to be invisible and untouchable

to see yet not to be seen

to feel nothing and to fear nothing

yet i'm not a ghost, i don't know how it feels to become one.

do they have a vague memory? or no memories at all?

do they have an emotion?

i don't know.

that's why you shouldn't treat me like one.

because if i'm really a ghost, i might not get hurt by your actions for i'll feel nothing.

(inspired by a Taking Back Sunday song title, and a friend's words)

a heart-clenching episode of our lives

this is a hard time for the eternal dreamers; the one who kept this land sane, the one who brings new hopes and joys. yet this sly, bipolar, deceiving monster called reality slowly came, a thin smoke, nearly invisible, and its slowly emerged into nightmares and they poetically kills us. they take away all those beautiful vivid dreams, the magic within, and our beliefs of love. what a regular survivor can do? he's never been the faithful one, yes he's not one of the eternal dreamers. but to have witnessed such tragedy is something that will haunt them every night of his life. and so he's on his way to believe, to bring back people's right of dreaming, of loving.

And Lastly There's Dave;

his hair dances in the wind, and he's wondering what love is, and why it has to end

and he can't understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends

(The Tide by The Spill Canvas)

this is how i often felt. it's hard for me to fall for someone yet when i do, i fell too hard that numb is what i can only feel. and when it subsides, the pain came to the surface, it's so hard and so long for me to erase the scars, let alone the pain away.

and how my first love is so hard to forget but i find it easy for me to retell the story. even though i don't have any pure feelings towards him, it's still hard for me to forget. i sometimes will squint my eyes when he logged in, or surprised to have him talked to me.

but everytime a someone speaks about love, all i could think was him, because that's my only experience with love. yet until this moment i still doubt myself, doubting the way i feel towards him. i still can't believe that's how love feels cause even though i have an attraction to him, i don't get all greedy or want him to be my boyfriend. i just simply sitting at the corner, watching everyone goes by, i let my feelings goes on without any demand. that's how i doubt myself. and even though it's done, i still can't define if it's love or how love feels

The Guy

"I just don't trust myself enough to know that what i will feel really is love. What if what i think i feel is love but it really isn't? Hmm? And... And i expect too much from love, alright? I want THAT love, that beautiful heartbreaking thing. I want that feeling that makes you believe that without the guy you would die. I don't want to go out with a guy just to have a boyfriend. I don't WANT a boyfriend. If i meet the guy, then i would go out with him, but for THE guy. Not for the boyfriend deal. And i just don't trust myself that I'll know when i meet HIM. So i just don't want to love."

what's so hard to do

to please yourself without hurting anyone.

what words can do to you

the feeling when you read a book, when you get sucked in,
you'll feel like you're the one who's being chased,
the one who's running for your dear life,
the one who felt the adrenaline inside.
or you could have this tight feeling in your chest,
as if you actually feel how hurt it was to love someone,
to feel something on your stomach like
you're the one who's experiencing
how falling in love feels like.
or to have a lump in your throat,
or to hold your breath,
as if you're the one who's been all through these things.
and then you closed the book
and got the feeling of how dull your life feels.

At the sight of HIM

Palms getting sweaty, heart threatening to rip out of my ribcage though since he was a little far away it felt like someone was pressing it with their hands, i had a hard time breathing, i felt weightless, my thoughts were incoherent.

i found you

"You read it in books, this moment, when the girl looks up and she sees this guy, she sees THE guy. And it's as if there's her whole future right in front of her eyes, she could look down again and pretend like she hadn't seen him, pretend that it was just one of the many strangers passing by in her life. Her whole future writing down in front of her, almost as if she felt it, touched it, and she can just smile at the thought and then look back down and ignore it, look back down and do as if it had never happened. But she never does."